112 out of 114 people found this review helpful.
Lean, Mean, and Smelling Less Obscene!
Date of Review: Dec 1, 2002
The Bottom Line: If a criminal assailant uses this cologne, you will be able to smell him sneaking up on you from up to 75 yards away.
After a difficult day of toiling, sweating, inadvertently rolling around in wombat manure, being pelted with rotten eggs, and rubbing my naked flesh all over wet goats (please don t ask what I do for a living), the last thing I want to do is go home to my wife s incessant whining, You smell like a wet goat! Your mind-bogglingly odious funk is enough to gag a maggot! Look at me, my eyes are watering and my lips are curled! Get out of my house! So that s why I go to my neighborhood strip club instead. And that s also why I always carry a bottle of Ralph Lauren Polo Sport Fragrance for Men with me. Because, let s face it, no matter how sickeningly sweet and unmasculine a scent this vile, repugnant liquid exudes, it is still moderately superior to Eau de Wet Goat.
It comes in a blue bottle!
I used to buy five-gallon tubs of Old Spice or Aqua Velva to mask my reeking funk, but since my permanent, court-ordered banishment from the Safeway store, it is less readily available. That s why I was pleased to find that I could order Ralph Lauren Polo Sport online right from the comfort of my home (or friendly neighborhood strip club, as the case may be) at merely a fraction of the cost of, oh, a luxury automobile or a condominium complex in the Cayman Islands. According to this product s home page at www.polo.com, Polo Sport has a fresh, energizing blend of citrus, a crisp, sea-breeze accord and masculine woody notes. Although this is rather a vague, elusive, intangible description of the peculiar odor with which this substance viciously assaults your nostrils, I will say, without reservation, that it IS a somewhat less offensive stench than that of wet goats (in all fairness, though, I think dry goats may smell a bit better than Ralph Lauren Polo Sport.)
The cap is metallic!
The print advertising also further elaborates upon the product, saying, This signature fragrance reflects a distinctly American athleticism. Made in the USA. Now I realize that in the aftermath of 9/11, American patriotism is raising the roof, and the three letters USA are even more likely to sell a product than Free Lapdances , PORN , and Paul Begalia s Head on a Stick combined, but doesn t it make you feel a bit manipulated? What is distinct about American athleticism ? Do the sweaty jockstraps of an American football player smell any less offensive than those of an Australian rugby player? (If you know the answer to that question, please keep it to yourself.) Does the origin of its manufacture somehow make it superior to all those perfumes produced by the sissy French people? This product even has the wild audacity to include a replication of the American flag on its bottle, but rather than the blue field of stars, it sports a blue field of RL . Granted, I would be more than glad to be rid of Texas and Massachusetts, but I much prefer what those other 48 stars represent to Ralph Lauren s freaking initials.
It contains 4.2 ounces of pure, unadulterated smell !
To their credit, though, Ralph Lauren, to the best of my knowledge, does test all their products on animals prior to unleashing it on the general population. That s very consumerly helpful! If the minimization of your mind-bogglingly, funky stench is important enough to Ralph Lauren that they will spray chemicals in a monkey s eyes, don t you think you should give them a try? Feh.
585, Sleeper.
